I hate myself for living the day of bitter most realization of my life.
I hate myself for letting it happen.
I met Sai some 12 years ago (as far as my foolish knowledge is concerned :| )
Loved His ideology :)
All He said was to have Sraddha, boundless faith and Saburi, unmoved patience.
It sounded easy to me.
And it is :) :d
One can own Him by simply thinking of Him.
Nothing else.
And I owned Him, for sometime.
He loved me in a way, I could never find words to describe.
He cared for me as if am His only concern in the whole world.
He used to talk to me.
He used to find ways to show me how important I am to Him.
And He made me realize, with out Him, I am nothing.
I couldn't decide now, if I intentionally let myself move slowly away from Him.
But the damage is done.
I miss Him. Al the way.
Even now, I start my day after wishing Him a good morning, and end my day wishing Him good night.
I remember Him, all the time, but I know, I admit, something is missing.
I just took advantage of His closeness, I took it for granted.
And now the problem is, even though He's just the same with me, no matter how foolish to ignore Him, but I am no longer the same. I couldn't hear Him anymore.
It's purely my mistake and I pay for it now.
Still, as He's sweeter than a child, He didn't even take a moments time to forgive me :D
And am welcome into His warmest of hugs again :D
I am crazy about Him, and I pray that I should stay the same :)
I also assign Him the duty of keeping me straight.
Once you own Him, He'll be all yours forever.
After all, He's God, the Almighty, not a man, like you or me.
Now, I confess He's the best thing of my life :)
I saw this pic on FB and felt like adding my description to it.
Also, it's been almost 75 days since I wrote something in my blog. Poor me :|
Goals for 2013 :
1. Smile more.
I already do this :D
Irrespective of what lay ahead of me, I have unlimited faith on my God, my best friend, and all time savior Sai :D
I clearly know that I don't have to shed tears for something that's not mine :D
I don't find any reason to not smile, so I smile, haha :)
2. Eat healthier.
Umm, I prefer eating tastier than healthier though I know later one is good.
And I don't care what I eat as long as I can enjoy it :D
3. Make lot of new friends.
Umm, am now at the stage of life, where I find myself not wanting any more new friends.
But I welcome those who can fit my world, either this way or that way :D
4. Learn to love myself.
Learned long ago B-)
5. Fall in love.
This is something I do constantly :)
It's as natural to me as breathing :)
I feel Sai in my every breath and that makes me fall in love all over again :)
6. Be loved back.
Haha :D Finally, I got the chance to boast about Sai's loving me back :D
If He doesn't love me back, I won't be finding the joy in almost everything, right from the beginning of the day, I wish Him a good morning, hug myself, rejoice my being-alive for the day, love the moment and I welcome what ever comes to me with open arms, the whole day.
And the best thing takes place, when I end the day by delivering all that He's given to me, back to Him, and He smiles a happy smile :D
Yes, I am loved by Him <3 :d=":d" a="a" and="and" counting..="counting.." i="i" in="in" million="million" still="still" ways="ways">
7. Make at least one person's day.
I really don't know if am good for this. I hope I am.
8. Dance in the rain at least once.
I used to :D
9. Become more outgoing.
I have to improve this.
10. Be happy.
Yes, I am :)
Sanchari Ulysses
More than a brother, he's been everything to me, since 4 years. Bless him :)
When I was surrounded by unlimited darkness, which doesn't seem to have any boundary, he assured me that everything will be okay, and I'll again be able to breathe, see and love the world as earlier, once I let myself out of it, by strongly willing to find a way.
Like my father.
When am so totally unsure of myself, to do things, knowing that am far from perfect, he makes me rejuvenate myself by reminding me of the things, once I managed to do well, and supports me through out, like my mother.
He seems to have a solution ready for almost every problem of mine, instantly, like my brother.
He patiently listens to me, my fears, doubts and questions, never once shouted at me, no matter how hard I try to try his tolerance.
Never once lost his temper, I really don't know how that's possible !
He understands all that I say, and more I don't say at all, like a soul mate.
He tries a 1000 different ways to make smile, when I feel like shutting myself off, like a friend.
He never lets me shrink myself :)
He's got so much of spiritual knowledge so clears all my doubts, and helps me become a better person, like a Guru.
He adores me, when I do something in an exceptionally better way, like a child.
He's a thousand other things to me :) am more than privileged to find such a person, sweeter than sugar, in my life :)
This list goes on and on, and am happy for that :D
Everything seems like a celebration with him.
He deserves best of everything in his life.
I pray constantly, that he finds his best girl, who could pleasure him infinitely, and make him understand how truly special he is !!
Yummy book.
A fragrant collection of 4 books.
Twilight.
Eclipse.
New moon.
And Breaking dawn.
And too overwhelming characaters.
Family of good Vampires.
Carlisle- Father
Esme- Mother
Their adopted children ( vampires, needless to mention :P )
Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper.
Normal family :D
Charlie - Father
Ren - Mother
Bella - Their only daughter. And only heroine ;)
Family of Werewolves :o
Jacob, Sam, Paul, Jared and few others.
There were many other vampires, human beings ad werewolves in the book, but I could not possibly remember all their names :(
Lot of Vampire things to keep us surprised through out the book :D
1st lemme clear why I called them good vampires instead of calling them just vampires.
Generally Vampires survive by drinking the blood.
Here, Carlisle's family is committed to cause no harm to fellow (?) humans so they feed themselves with animal blood instead.
Hmm, isn't this reason enough :D
For me, it's more than enough B-)
It's a book of fantasies, memories, broken hearts, bonds, love and life.
There's not a single thing you manage not to find here.
Special thanks to books..
If you're my reader for a long time, by now, you wouldn't be surprised if I say " I'm far more than crazy about books."
Now, I feel gratified to express my gratitude toward books.
They not only provide me the support and company when I feel necessarily/unnecessarily isolated, also they make me. They make me complete.
It's a continual process, of which I'm genuinely proud.
Following is the best reason for why I love reading so much in addition to the solace they provide me:
"Books give me the reap prospective of life, so when I've to react to something, I can do it the best way possible"
Yesterday on the account of fasting I didn't eat anything all the day.
I usually break my fast in the evening, either at college canteen or at home, depends on my stomach's pleas to feed it.
I don't restrict myself so much though, if I feel like eating, I simply will, with out hesitation.
After all, I believe, whatever we do must take us closer to, not away from, God ♥
I was in bus then, when a student in the past cum a colleague in the present offered me a chocolate.
I took, ate and enjoyed every bite of it.
Then this thought occurred to me immediately.
I savoured the moment ♥
I enjoyed eating the chocolate, but not just that.
I ate it in less than 5 mins time, but its taste lingered ♥
More than the act of eating, the realization of my ability to enjoy things at the most made me very joyous.
I felt good.
My heart lightened,
my lips curved,
and my eyes brightened.
All at once, at one simple thought.
P.S. I wasn't actually hungry then, cuz I had a plate of Pani Puri before entering the bus :P
Thinking of you constantly has become my necessity to stay alive,
I felt I was flying with wings that couldn't be seen by any other person,
The way you call my name sounded (it still does) musical to my ears,
I cherished myself in every thought of you,
and I felt so blessed to be loved by you too.
My heart breaks when we had to part, but I survived because I decided to.
Because that adds glory to our love ♥
I couldn't blame nor question anyone about my endless misery.
It scares me off even to think for a moment that we're gonna lead our lives in exact two different paths.
I tried to let go of my pain by reminding myself of the fact that "nothing lasts forever" but it was of no use. The hole in the heart grew even deeper.
I'll continue to live, whatever.
The same way.
I love, live, and celebrate my life.
And I never regret meeting you and loving you ♥
