Resilience..

I resigned my job 2 days ago, which has been a part of myself and my life for so long.
Am totally absorbed into it.

I never knew resigning from something can cause pain this sharp.

This thought of having to spend my days to come with no specific purpose, no where to go, nothing in particular to attend is extremely scaring me.

Yeah, I am a positive person. I never forget that.

Now, looking at this from a different angle(also a good one) I understood that doing a job not only gives me my economical freedom and stability, also it regularly boosts my inner self.

My job always provided me with a profound peace that at least am worth of something and that am doing something worthy.

That feeling kept me awake and also alert all the time.

I loved my job so much.
Everything started making sense now.
At times, when I could no longer cope up with the pressure of the-most-hectic journey to my work place, I desperately wanted to leave my job, but surprisingly, I never did.
No matter how troublous going to and coming from college was, I never quit my job.

May be, I knew so well, not even having to spare a thought, that I could not live well with a part of myself missing.

Am noting this to withstand this pleasure of pain.

Resignation, in my own terms is a realization.

Also am more than happy that it once more proved me that I never grow beyond refusing what my father asks me.

And as per Guruvu garu, pain inflicts when we bind ourselves to something in particular.
He says, life is sound only when we can experience God everywhere.

Who knows?! I might be doing something bigger and better.

I certainly don't know what's been waiting for me in store, but am more than willing to explore it when God lets me in ♥

Testimony again..

Sanchari Ulysses

The only person in my life, whose almost every emotion, I know, I saw. and I felt.

He can blossom one's life with all his care, and by sharing his super good thoughts.

He can make one to believe that his/her life is the most blessed.

He needs to be attended with purest of affection and love.

Even if he's facing his hard times, when asked for, still he can provide a shelter to all out distress and help us to relax.

He misses people terribly, and continues to struggle to move on.

He awaits the love of his life, and with a devotion he wills to make her the center of his life.

He is as smooth as a rose petal, smoother I can say. One wrong word, and he's broken.

He offers all the time, not only his friendship, but a peace that lasts longer than forever.

He tries to mend himself, all the time, at the worst, he weeps alone.

 No matter, in how many ways he makes me happy, blessed, content and better, I continue to break him, and he blames himself for even that :|

And finally, for now, the best ever person, anyone can find in all their lifetime.
If only he's understood, and valued for what he is, and dealt with nicely, the way he truly deserves, God bless them :) for caring His fav child the best way, just like Him.

I wish I succeed.

Confession..

I hate myself for living the day of bitter most realization of my life.
I hate myself for letting it happen.

I met Sai some 12 years ago (as far as my foolish knowledge is concerned :| )
Loved His ideology :)
All He said was to have Sraddha, boundless faith and Saburi, unmoved patience.
It sounded easy to me.
And it is :) :d

One can own Him by simply thinking of Him.
Nothing else.

And I owned Him, for sometime.
He loved me in a way, I could never find words to describe.
He cared for me as if am His only concern in the whole world.
He used to talk to me.
He used to find ways to show me how important I am to Him.
And He made me realize, with out Him, I am nothing.

I couldn't decide now, if I intentionally let myself move slowly away from Him.

But the damage is done.

I miss Him. Al the way.

Even now, I start my day after wishing Him a good morning, and end my day wishing Him good night.

I remember Him, all the time, but I know, I admit, something is missing.

I just took advantage of His closeness, I took it for granted.
And now the problem is, even though He's just the same with me, no matter how foolish to ignore Him, but I am no longer the same. I couldn't hear Him anymore.

It's purely my mistake and I pay for it now.

Still, as He's sweeter than a child, He didn't even take a moments time to forgive me :D
And am welcome into His warmest of hugs again :D

I am crazy about Him, and I pray that I should stay the same :)

I also assign Him the duty of keeping me straight.

Once you own Him, He'll be all yours forever.

After all, He's God, the Almighty, not a man, like you or me.

Now, I confess He's the best thing of my life :)

NEW YEAR !!

I saw this pic on FB and felt like adding my description to it.
Also, it's been almost 75 days since I wrote something in my blog. Poor me :|

Goals for 2013 :

1. Smile more.

I already do this :D
Irrespective of what lay ahead of me, I have unlimited faith on my God, my best friend, and all time savior Sai :D

I clearly know that I don't have to shed tears for something that's not mine :D

I don't find any reason to not smile, so I smile, haha :)

2. Eat healthier.

Umm, I prefer eating tastier than healthier though I know later one is good.

And I don't care what I eat as long as I can enjoy it :D

3. Make lot of new friends.

Umm, am now at the stage of life, where I find myself not wanting any more new friends.
But I welcome those who can fit my world, either this way or that way :D

4. Learn to love myself.

Learned long ago B-)

5. Fall in love.

This is something I do constantly :)
It's as natural to me as breathing :)
I feel Sai in my every breath and that makes me fall in love all over again :)

6. Be loved back.

Haha :D Finally, I got the chance to boast about Sai's loving me back :D

If He doesn't love me back, I won't be finding the joy in almost everything, right from the beginning of the day, I wish Him a good morning, hug myself, rejoice my being-alive for the day, love the moment and I welcome what ever comes to me with open arms, the whole day.
And the best thing takes place, when I end the day by delivering all that He's given to me, back to Him, and He smiles a happy smile :D

Yes, I am loved by Him <3 :d=":d" a="a" and="and" counting..="counting.." i="i" in="in" million="million" still="still" ways="ways">

7. Make at least one person's day.

I really don't know if am good for this. I hope I am.

8. Dance in the rain at least once.

I used to :D

9. Become more outgoing.

I have to improve this.

10. Be happy.

Yes, I am :)

Being grateful !!

 Sanchari Ulysses

More than a brother, he's been everything to me, since 4 years. Bless him :)

When I was surrounded by unlimited darkness, which doesn't seem to have any boundary, he assured me that everything will be okay, and I'll again be able to breathe, see and love the world as earlier, once I let myself out of it, by strongly willing to find a way.
Like my father.

When am so totally unsure of myself, to do things, knowing that am far from perfect, he makes me rejuvenate myself by reminding me of the things, once I managed to do well, and supports me through out, like my mother.

He seems to have a solution ready for almost every problem of mine, instantly, like my brother.

He patiently listens to me, my fears, doubts and questions, never once shouted at me, no matter how hard I try to try his tolerance.
Never once lost his temper, I really don't know how that's possible !

He understands all that I say, and more I don't say at all, like a soul mate.

He tries a 1000 different ways to make smile, when I feel like shutting myself off, like a friend.
He never lets me shrink myself :)

He's got so much of spiritual knowledge so clears all my doubts, and helps me become a better person, like a Guru.

He adores me, when I do something in an exceptionally better way, like a child.

He's a thousand other things to me :) am more than privileged to find such a person, sweeter than sugar, in my life :)

This list goes on and on, and am happy for that :D

Everything seems like a celebration with him.

He deserves best of everything in his life.
I pray constantly, that he finds his best girl, who could pleasure him infinitely, and make him understand how truly special he is !!

Twilight

Yummy book.
A fragrant collection of 4 books.

Twilight.
Eclipse.
New moon.
And Breaking dawn.

And too overwhelming characaters.

Family of good Vampires.
Carlisle- Father
Esme- Mother
Their adopted children ( vampires, needless to mention :P )
Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper.

Normal family :D
Charlie - Father
Ren - Mother
Bella - Their only daughter. And only heroine ;)

Family of Werewolves :o

Jacob, Sam, Paul, Jared and few others.

There were many other vampires, human beings ad werewolves in the book, but I could not possibly remember all their names :(

Lot of Vampire things to keep us surprised through out the book :D

1st lemme clear why I called them good vampires instead of calling them just vampires.
Generally Vampires survive by drinking the blood.
Here, Carlisle's family is committed to cause no harm to fellow (?) humans so they feed themselves with animal blood instead.
Hmm, isn't this reason enough :D
For me, it's more than enough B-)

It's a book of fantasies, memories, broken hearts, bonds, love and life.

There's not a single thing you manage not to find here.

Books

Special thanks to books..

If you're my reader for a long time, by now, you wouldn't be surprised if I say " I'm far more than crazy about books."
Now, I feel gratified to express my gratitude toward books.

They not only provide me the support and company when I feel necessarily/unnecessarily isolated, also they make me. They make me complete.
It's a continual process, of which I'm genuinely proud.

Following is the best reason for why I love reading so much in addition to the solace they provide me:

"Books give me the reap prospective of life, so when I've to react to something, I can do it the best way possible"

Savouring

Yesterday on the account of fasting I didn't eat anything all the day.
I usually break my fast in the evening, either at college canteen or at home, depends on my stomach's pleas to feed it.
I don't restrict myself so much though, if I feel like eating, I simply will, with out hesitation.
After all, I believe, whatever we do must take us closer to, not away from, God ♥

I was in bus then, when a student in the past cum a colleague in the present offered me a chocolate.
I took, ate and enjoyed every bite of it.

Then this thought occurred to me immediately.

I savoured the moment ♥

I enjoyed eating the chocolate, but not just that.
I ate it in less than 5 mins time, but its taste lingered ♥

More than the act of eating, the realization of my ability to enjoy things at the most made me very joyous.

I felt good.
My heart lightened,
my lips curved,
and my eyes brightened.

All at once, at one simple thought.

P.S. I wasn't actually hungry then, cuz I had a plate of Pani Puri before entering the bus :P

Glorifying love !!

Thinking of you constantly has become my necessity to stay alive,
I felt I was flying with wings that couldn't be seen by any other person,
The way you call my name sounded (it still does) musical to my ears,
I cherished myself in every thought of you,
and I felt so blessed to be loved by you too.

My heart breaks when we had to part, but I survived because I decided to.
Because that adds glory to our love ♥

I couldn't blame nor question anyone about my endless misery.
It scares me off even to think for a moment that we're gonna lead our lives in exact two different paths.

I tried to let go of my pain by reminding myself of the fact that "nothing lasts forever" but it was of no use. The hole in the heart grew even deeper.

I'll continue to live, whatever.

The same way.

I love, live, and celebrate my life.

And I never regret meeting you and loving you ♥

Life !!

Life is either simple or complex,
It's just what you think it is !!

Life brings you the joy or misery,
It's just what you'd like to cherish !!

Life presents you with the roses or thorns,
It's just how you'd deal with !!

Life is something or everything,
It's just what you are capable of making out !!

Life can be loved or hated,
It's purely your choice that determines everything else !!

Life's nothing but a bunch of choices we make, through out our life, which would either make us glad or sad.
None other than us are responsible for every sec of our own life.

Having a life is living it with total freedom and awareness.
And that comes when we develop a bond ( of any sort, I say ) with eternity.

P.S. Knowing that we're too minute in the universe minimizes the time and chances to dislike something !! And that's quite a tool for living without bounds !!  ♥

Enlightenment !!

I've never felt so serene lately. 
I know nothing about Him except that he encouraged oneness and non violence, I don't meditate either, but this pic has got something ♥
I wonder whether I'd reach that state in my life ever.

All I knew is I 

am meant to follow Sai and reach Him :)

Now am hoping that, when I reach Sai, I'd have a chance to meet Buddha there too :D:D

That's really an awesome pic 

♥
Totally peaceful ♥ 
And attracting the souls towards Him ♥ 

Any pain, or any sort of sorrow can be easily erased if this is pic is seen for a while ♥

Peace, love and suffering are reflective ♥ 
The more you give, the more you receive ♥ ( in both senses, i.e; positive and negative )
We ought to decide in what way our soul would lighten and sparkle ♥

What would satisfy us at the most, and what would bring the real "us" from us.

Know within ♥ and we've no more to know about  ♥ 

So many thanks to Crisshna Calyan :) May God bless yu CC to find more such eternal pics and share to us :) :D

Reminder !!

In a random discussion with a brother, I said "what would we be thinking 2 years from now?"

He : " We'd think those days were awesome  ♥ "

Me : " Why is it so? Even we remember that there were bad things as well happened along with good ones, why is it so that we always render in past? "

He : " As humans, we tend to forget what's bad, we carve what's good in our hearts too well  ♥
that when we recollect something from past what usually pops up is the bunch of those sweet things"

May be that's it !!

Life is, after all, so simple  ♥

It can be measured as the number of days, in which, we loved without any inhibitions,
we laughed with out any egos,
we helped with out much thought given to future benefits,
we forgiven as easily as we breathe, and we lived with real freedom ♥

Life happens at most once and that's same with everyday, every hour and every moment  ♥

Let's be blessed as such, mentioned in the above photograph  ♥

Transition..

It's about the change of a state in me :)
It's how I used to be and how I'm :D

During my studies, I skipped 3 classes (3rd, 6th and 9th ), implying that I had all my classmates ( thus my friends ) elder to me.
It helped me in many ways :)
I used to ( I still ) think like a grown-up person.

I've never been an amateur or adolescent.
And neither do I regret it for I've a heart that somehow manages to continue dreaming no matter what it's been through lately :)

I loved learning and I learned.
I loved observing and I did.
I loved knowing and I knew.

Whenever something out-of-place  happens, I used to be the 1st to notice and let them know.
People around me ( in hostel, we've all sorts of people of different age groups ) are suffering for reasons which appear minute to my eyes, I used to analyse the situation ( am damn good at this ), present it before them, and help them to sort it out themselves :)

And I used to receive tokens of appreciation for what I did.

That was past.

What's happening now is entirely different.

When I point out something, or simpler, when I take my time to look around, notice things, and say something cause those people concern me, it bothers them.
They obviously don't like my peeping into their ( own ) worlds.
Much too acceptable. Not my business, after all.

May be, thinking that I already grew up enough, I stopped growing when the rest of the world didn't.
May be I still look through my eyes and I still decide based on my perception.
May be the problem is with me. Within me.

Finally I woke up :)
I stopped hindering anyone.

I still see, notice, and even worry a bit.
But that's all. Nothing more or else.
And I'm serene now :)

A journey of my mind from one state to another.

Title justified :):) :):) :)

Seeking help of this post :)

I am currently thinking of a situation which is not welcome by my heart.
I just want myself to let go of it, but I fail, repeatedly. And it started to worry me more than it should.
I am someone who acts according to will, and I am so proud of that quality in me.
I decide, I do and I am done. I'm more than happy with this ritual.
I consider many things before I decide which helps me stick to my decision firmly.
I never had to curse myself when it comes to deciding.

I believe, in Sai, who's more than just God to me, and He taught me in many ways, that everything happens for a reason.
It helps me from shrinking when I'm in agony.
It helps me keep the pace irrespective of what they're doing to me.
I can accept anything and everything with a smile, knowing that, there's nothing too important than Sai, who could undoubtedly stay with me even after my life ends.

Now I question myself, when I couldn't help doing the same thing which I planned not to, am I a true believer of magic that can happen ?!
Yes, I am but am acting like some one who doesn't.

And it scared me to the death.
It felt like a punch in my stomach.
It made me curse myself for a moment.

And I realized again, that, no one could ever hurt you with out your consent.

I allowed it to happen, but that's not my mistake.
After all, life's a flow.

May be Sai wanted to teach me some thing important.
He did the same earlier too.
He has His own methodologies of teaching me.

If the lesson can be easily learned, He creates a situation from which I can learn what He intended to teach and makes me realize it myself.

Otherwise He simply strikes me, not in the face, in the heart, to make sure that the lesson was imprinted properly so as to save me from any further similar kind of pain.

I am thankful to Him with all my senses but I know it's not enough.

He will only be satisfied when I prove myself worthy of next lesson by quickly grasping the current one.

Such a greatest Guru I'm blessed with ♥ 

Learned Saturday !!

Some days turn out to be awesome and some bitter most with out much thought given to planning.

This is one such day, of which, I was afraid, Cause I've to engage 4 hours.
But due to some reasons, my day was very easy. B-)

Instead I used that time, to make out the plans for myself, that how am gonna fight against few pestering problems, how I should be, How I should train myself so as not to expect things to happen from people to who am no more than one among a million in the world.

I ♥ myself again.

It's what I need now.. !!

That's an awesome feeling ♥ drifting into a world entirely new and forgetting everything that pains ..

I agree, it's not at all easy to leave something behind and to move forward when what we might lose can change life. Hmm..

I wish life is not this harder, where we need to keep up the fight, almost every day, just to stay alive.

Life could be made simple, where, giving and taking love is not an issue any more.

Love that !!

I love that way of living life ♥
With a loved one ♥
In a freedom to do anything with a belief, all cud be understood ♥ ♥

Where all the communication takes place through eyes only  ♥

Nothing need to be said  ♥

Fights never let one hesitate share something  ♥

The morning breeze becomes softer with the sweet wish  ♥

The shoulder to rest in panic is always ready to be offered  ♥

Yells are ignored when shouting helps release stress  ♥

Always one is ready to apologize the other irrespective of whose mistake it is  ♥

Never once missing the chance of surprising the other person  ♥

Just looking in the eyes make you forget all the burdens ♥

No matter how long the way is, journey is always simpler when you have the right companion  ♥ ♥

Worth noting..

Umm, I felt like writing some thing the very moment I saw it :)


Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
Two sentences most meaningfully connected in a wonderful way.

It made me wonder, just, am I doing all the things worthy every day?!
Sure, I do so many things, get up, dress up, go to college, walk and talk wd people, wish and greet them, and smile too. I do all these with out respect to my current mood.
That's the point here.


In a sense, in my 24 hrs a day time, leaving my 8 hrs sleeping time, there are yet 16 hrs remaining.
And in those 16 hrs may be 2 or 3 hrs I enjoy to the core.
Wishing my daddy good morning when I wake up, when I read, and listen to music, and when am talking to those who have a strong impact in my life, I be myself.
And I cherish myself.


I can make it to 5 hrs. Cause I love almost everything around me which gives me a chance of staying thankful to The Great Almighty.


Even then there are still 11 hrs am wasting by not entirely living them.
I realize, now, that am just letting those hrs pass by without doing anything worth remembering.
Quite a pity.


So what should be done!!???


I have no idea right now, but I will think about it. :D



P.S. Thanks to Cnu who shared this pic :)

Sai and His feet :)

Guru paadaalu ♥

Anniti kante ekkuva important ♥

Having complete faith and nvr once losing patience is the way to the Almighty ♥ ♥

How much we get depends on hw strongly we believe :)

One can maintain a realtionship wd God in 9 ways :) ( Nava bhakthi vidhalu )

One can own Him in any way comfortable :D

Point is, we shud see that nothing ( even death ) cud separate us from Him ♥

His grace and my soul are tied together ♥ fr eternity ♥

Am blessed :) by Him :)


I await the moment when I can touch them and rest my soul there :)




P.S. Bless Archu, who gave me this pic and made me write this :)

Something typical..

A constant is something which never changes with time.
And conversely, a variable is something whose value keeps on changing from time to time.


I so many times heard and read  all the principles of Maths can be applied in Life.
( I don't have any idea whether doing that makes life simple or complex :P )


But the difference between a variable and a constant always amazed me for the reasons I donno :D

Now my doubt is, shud a man be constant or variable?
One can not stay the same frevr and at the same time we cant accpet if he/she kept on changing =))
Too typical fr me :P



I wish I can conclude this puzzle like question, by simply telling, as Life's a combo, everything comes together.

Life and death,

Joy and misery,

Beauty and ugliness,

Wisdom and naivety,

And Everything and nothing.

We need to accept the change cause it's the only thing unchanged in anyone's life.


We can stick to something, if changing that doesn't make any sense :)


However, accepting everything that comes our way and never once losing faith in ourselves is always the better way  ♥ ♥ ♥